From Reactive to Resilient: Taking Control of Your Emotions

We've all had moments where we react in ways we later regret—snapping at someone or sending an impulsive email. These reactions stem from the brain’s automatic stress response, but with practice, you can shift from reacting impulsively to responding thoughtfully.

Your brain operates in two modes: reactive and resilient. The reactive brain, like an oversensitive smoke alarm, is driven by the amygdala, triggering stress hormones and bypassing rational thinking. The resilient brain keeps the prefrontal cortex engaged, allowing you to pause and choose a response that aligns with your values.

A key step in building resilience is recognizing emotional triggers. Common physical signs of being triggered include:

• Racing heart
• Tensed muscles
• Shallow breathing

Once you recognize these cues, you can use the PAUSE method to regain control:
P - Pause and notice your body's signals.
A - Acknowledge your emotions.
U - Understand what’s truly triggering you.
S - Select a thoughtful response.
E - Engage mindfully with intention.

For example, if a colleague takes credit for your idea in a meeting, your reactive brain might push you to confront them immediately. Instead, using PAUSE, you can acknowledge your frustration, recognize deeper feelings of being undervalued, and decide to address it professionally after the meeting.

Shifting from reactive to resilient takes practice, and tools can help. The Essential Tools Card Deck includes emotion identification and cognitive distortion cards to help you label emotions and reframe unhelpful thoughts—key steps in the PAUSE method.

Emotional resilience isn’t about never feeling triggered; it’s about responding with intention. Start with one triggering situation and apply the PAUSE method. Over time, small changes will strengthen your ability to stay in control and respond in ways that reflect your best self.